A ELECTRO-MAIL correspondent sends in this photograph of the WITTICISMS section of the soon-to-be-expired Borders Number 46 in Springfield, PA

THANK YOU, “FOLEYMAN” for that most thoughtful and flattering and depressing photograph!

THAT IS ALL

Jh

GOOD AFTERNOON

THIS IS MORE IMITATION BLOGGING than I have done in an age, but I wish to provide you with perhaps more information than you require regarding

INFORMATION PIECE ONE:

YOU WILL NOTE that all but one of the events on THE END IS NIGH TOUR are ticketed events.

THE PRICE will vary slightly depending on venue, but will roughly correspond to the cost of the book ($25), plus some surcharge to cover the cost of PROFESSIONAL SPOTLIGHTING, A RAISED STAGE AND, often, ACCESS TO A BAR.

THERE ARE SOME WACKY VARIATIONS on this scheme, details of which may be found HERE.

BUT PLEASE KNOW THE BOON (and perhaps bane) of this arrangement is that EVERY ONE OF YOU WILL GET A BOOK with your ticket. And that book will be titled THAT IS ALL, and I will write my name in it using PEN.

ADDITIONALLY, these ticketed shows shall feature UKULELE playing by me and/or ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL music by others, local loathsome spirits (Malört, where available), surprised guests, and other unexpected factors, and I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE.

FURTHER DETAILS ON TIMES, PRICES, ETC. shall be forthcoming.

INFORMATION PIECE TWO:

AS I HAVE BEEN ASKED, I will answer: there shall be:

NO AUDIOBOOK EDITION

…until I have time to PLAN, PREPARE, AND RECORD IT. This will not happen this year, and I have frankly NO IDEA when it might happen next year.

I HOPE, at least, that it will happen before RAGNAROK.

INFORMATION PIECE THREE:

ADDITIONALLY, please know that, due to the complexity of the Sam Pottsian design of THAT IS ALL–including charts, tables, photographs of human tongues and Cyclopses, and a TODAY IN RAGNAROK page-a-day calendar–there shall be:

NO ELECTRONIC EDITION

…until we figure out how to make one IN THE FUTURE.

INFORMATION PIECE FOUR:

I ONLY WISH I could travel to every town in the US and CANADA, and I regret that the tour is not taking me to my friends in KANSAN CITY, SAINT FRANCISCO, BATTLESTAR COLUMBIA, or  CAMBRIDGE, MISSISSIPPI.

HOWEVER, I WILL BE HOLDING OFFICE HOURS via electro-phonic SKYPING at various set times in the fall so that we can all talk for a brief period about the issues of the day, and so that I can advise you on your class selection and career plans.

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR MORE DETAILS on my office hours.

MEANWHILE, enjoy this photograph of TMBG video contest runners up Mike Salva and Royce DeGrie eating pizza that I BOUGHT THEM.

I AM STILL WAITING FOR PAUL GUYET to claim his prize. And then we can put this all behind us.

AS ALWAYS, I thank you for your kind attention, and

THAT IS ALL.

HELLO, tolerant and patient internet friends.

AS I PREPARE for the publication of my FINAL BOOK OF COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE, known in your language as

YOU WILL SOON start to see changes in both design and mood that will reflect the dark, apocalyptic vision of my book, which deals with the very last information you need to know before the coming global superpocalypse called RAGNAROK, plus some information on WINE and SPORTS.

BUT THOUGH YOU WAIT AND WAIT for me to finally get around to updating my imitation blog, that does not mean that you should wait for CRUCIAL INFORMATION,

FOR INDEED: TIME IS SHORT.

THUS: please know this

1. THAT IS ALL will be published on the suitably palindromic date of 11/1/11. You can pre-order it HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.*

2. TO BRING YOU THE FINAL WORLD KNOWLEDGE, I will be traveling the future wasteland known as the UNITED STATES with copies of the books, words to read from it, and occasional guests of note. While some details are still emerging, here is the basic outline of THE END IS NIGH TOUR, 2011.

BROOKLYN, NY

Tuesday, November 1st; time TK

The Bell House

CHICAGO, IL

Wednesday, November 2nd; time TK

Second City

ST. LOUIS, MO

Thursday, November 3rd; 7:00 PM

Mad Art Gallery / Subterranean Books

LOS ANGELES, CA

Friday, November 4th; 8:30 PM (doors open at 7)

Largo / Book Soup

PORTLAND, OR

Sunday, November 6th; 7:00 PM

Bagdad Theater / Powell’s

SEATTLE, WA

Monday, November 7th; 7:30 PM

Town Hall / Elliott Bay

AUSTIN, TX

Tuesday, November 8th; 7:00 PM

Book People (in-store)

DURHAM, NC

Wednesday, November 9th; time tk

Durham Armory / Regulator Bookshop

ASHEVILLE, NC

Friday, November 11th; time tk

Venue TK / Malaprop’s

NEW YORK, NY

Monday, November 14th; 7:00 PM

Barnes & Noble – Union Square

BOSTON, MA

Tuesday, November 15th; 6:00 PM

Coolidge Theater / Brookline Booksmith

ST. PAUL, MN

Friday, November 18th; time tk

The Fitzgerald / Minnesota Public Radio “Wits Extra”

EVENTUALLY I will put all this information in the sidebar.

MEANWHILE, I HOPE to see you before it is all over.

THAT IS ALL

* (ALAS, it is not available via my friends at Borders Number One in Ann Arbor. PLEASE POUR A BOTTLE OF INK AND OLD COFFEE OUT FOR OUR FALLEN BOOKISH FRIENDS)

AS PROMISED to those runners up of the They Might Be Giants video contest, I am buying them pizza out of my own private funds.

FOR EXAMPLE, here are first runners up ZAN GILLIES and the villain of his video entry enjoying a sausage, onions, and peppers pizza pie from Maurizio’s.

AND HERE ARE runners up MATT PRUITT AND ASHLEY BURTON and their friends enjoying a bacon and pepperoni pie from UNNAMED CORPORATE CHAIN PIZZA RESTAURANT.

MEANWHILE, MIKE SALVA and ROYCE DEGRIE enjoyed a sausage and mushroom pizza from Joey’s House of Pizza, BUT DID NOT PROVIDE ANY PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!

I AM STILL WAITING ON PIZZA EVIDENCE FROM MIKE CELESTINO AND ROBERT GARREN AND PAUL GUYET.

PLEASE WRITE ME via this website. DO NOT WRITE ME ON FACEBOOK UNLESS YOU ENJOY HAVING MESSAGES NEVER BE READ.

That is all.