FOR THOSE* OF YOU who have missed my tedious, extra-sincere, non-funny imitation-political blogging of yore, I SAY THIS TO YOU:

IT IS WORTH WATCHING all three parts of Jon Stewart’s interview with Ken Blackwell, former Republican Mayor of Cincinnati, and former Ohio Secretary of State, and latest to push the idea that the President is not just a political opponent, but a socialist emperor in the making;

BUT I AM PARTICULARLY fond of this moment where Blackwell attempts to pat himself on the back for referring to the “Obama Administration,” as opposed to the Limabaugh-preferred “Obama Regime.” See about one minute, 30 seconds in.

IT’S CERTAINLY NICE OF HIM to acknowledge that the duly elected president is, well, THE DULY ELECTED PRESIDENT. But Blackwell’s fantasy that his rejection of the REGIME label is going to be a meaningful symbol of independence to anyone outside of the Limbaugh audience (never mind the Daily Show audience) reveals, I think, just how entrenched the Obama=Tyrant! idea is in conservative circles, and how rarely Blackwell steps outside of those circles.

That is all.

*BOTH

I SUSPECT I MISSED THIS because I was busy hiding my money in the Cayman Islands*,

AND SO, I THANK SAM POTTS, wandering friend and designer of my book and all good things,

BELATEDLY, AND ESPECIALLY for the DFW Memorial Footnote Deduction.

I Bought The NYT iPhone App, So This Is Not Stealing

NOW WHERE is his long promised book on office supplies?

THAT IS ALL.

*PLEASE DON’T LOOK IN THAT COCONUT SHELL ON THE SHELF ABOVE THE BED.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOATHE ADVERTISING, but there are a few disclosures I must make regarding products I USE and ENJOY.

FULL DISCLOSURE NUMBER ONE:

SOME OF YOU WERE DISTURBED the other week by COULTON’S TWITTER IMAGE of me wearing BLUE JEANS, which are pants made of a fabric from Nimes, France.

I WAS EQUALLY DISTURBED. Truly, I have not worn blue jeans since roughly 1988, when I wised up and realized I was a brown-pants man. And then for years I would wear Carhartt work pants, which were also fashioned of De-Nimes material, but only because they had that little pocket on the side which is perfect for an inhaler, and NEVER, EVER, in blue.

BUT THEN I DID MY SMALL PART AT LAST YEAR’S EMMY AWARDS, and because of this, I was invited to a magical subterranean bunker beneath the Nokia theater called “THE GIFTING LOUNGE.” Someday I will tell you all about this remarkable experience. Suffice to say that, along with an various hair care products, espresso machines, and jewels, I also received for my review TWO pairs of artfully distressed, blued jeans.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT? I did review them, and found them to be QUITE COMFORTABLE AND HANDSOME. And now that I’m on the Advair, I don’t really need an inhaler pocket anymore. So, in the spirit of full disclosure:

I GOT MY BLUE JEANS FOR FREE, from a West Coast jeans-smith called “Cult of Individuality.” I USE AND ENJOY THEM, and I am grateful.

***

FULL DISCLOSURE NUMBER TWO

FAITHFUL READERS OF THIS IMITATION BLOG know that, having crashed my own website repeatedly while linking to it Twitterphonically, I experimented with NEW INTERNET TECHNOLOGY to try to fix this problem.

SPECIFICALLY, my host, LiquidWeb, called and offered their cloud computing solution STORM ON DEMAND. I think this means that instead of being stored on a single regular computer, my whole website is instead stored on dozens of semi-mechanical, murderous black clouds on various uncharted islands.

THIS EXPERIMENT WAS SUCCESSFUL. So, in the spirit of full disclosure,

I AM USING STORM ON DEMAND FOR A REDUCED PRICE, and unless it grabs me and pulls me in to the woods to murder me, I will continue to USE AND ENJOY IT.

***

FULL DISCLOSURE NUMBER THREE

LAST NIGHT, I APPEARED ON THE KEITH OLBERMANN PROGRAM in order to teach him how to use Twitter, because it is the year 2008.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT I WAS CLOTHED, specifically in a gray suit that I acquired from the wonderful Oregonian women of DUCHESS CLOTHIER.

I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE THAT I AM FOND OF THEIR SUITINGS, so much so that, in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that

I HAPPILY PAY FULL PRICE FOR THE DUCHESS SUITS I USE AND ENJOY, and I will do so again, I hope soon.

AND NOW YOU TOO CAN GET THAT “HODGMAN NON-BLUE-JEANED LOOK” by visiting Duchess’s brand new INTERNET SHOP.

***

FINALLY, I realize I should point out that I didn’t get any money for mentioning my Advair inhaler above. IT MERELY ALLOWS ME TO LIVE.

That is all.

YOU MAY RECALL THAT LAST YEAR, I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH OUR U.S. PRESIDENT regarding his nerd credentials.

WHILE I WAS EMBARRASSED that the president did not know that Conan worshipped Crom (let’s face it: that one was a “give-me“),

I WAS MUCH MORE EMBARRASSED to realize that I had used the term NERDCORE without properly attributing it to its source, MR. M.C. FRONTALOT.

(BEGIN VIDEO TUTORIAL)

(END VIDEO TUTORIAL)

TODAY, MR. ALOT releases his LATEST ALBUM OF NERDCORE RAPPING SONGS, and I was grateful that he was willing to offer me some space on the vinyl to finally address this terrible oversight, and also to discuss other subjects, along with COULTON HIMSELF.

I AM GRATEFUL TO HIM for his forgiveness, and to WIRED for their kind words regarding our conversation.

BUT LISTEN, NICK VERONIN, please do not blame SIR FRONTSPLENTY for the poor sound quality of our little talk. It is not his fault. I made him come to my new Brooklyn-based WORK-BUNKER, which was empty except for the bottle of gin I had installed; and frankly, COULTON’S BEARD did not soak up all the echoes as well as I had hoped.

That is all.