AND MANY HAPPY RETURNS, whatever your winter ritual may be.

AS ALWAYS, I will be spending much of my time in Internetless Hills, MA,

AND THUS, I will be away from the imitation blog for a while. I may twitter from t

ime to time, but I do not guarantee it will make any sense.

UNTIL THE NEW YEAR, I and the Georgia Tech Gentlemen wish you the very best of the season.

THAT IS ALL.

AS I WROTE on the Twitter feed, I have spent many mournful hours turning over the Rick Warren conundrum in my brain, and it all adds up to this: what makes Rick Warren a “moderate?”

HIS “FRIENDS” goatee?

HIS HAWAIIAN shirt?

THE FACT that he spoke at TED?

SOME have argued that it is his commitment to good works: his anti-hunger and anti-poverty initiatives. His work with AIDS and HIV patients. (Though some may call this the basic requirement of being a “Christian” in the first place).

SOME have argued as well that it is his willingness to reach out to those who do not agree with him. (Also known as “conversion”)

THAT IS ALL FINE. I do not wish to silence Warren. I am glad of his good works, and I respect the inspiration and comfort his congregants take from his example.

I ALSO SUSPECT he is a very nice person to spend time with. While there’s clearly some politicking going on, my instinct is that Obama invited Warren because he likes him… because he appreciated Warren for inviting him to Saddleback, and wants to return the favor.

EVEN IF YOU ARE GAY, or had had an abortion, or believed in evolution, I bet Rick Warren would be nice to you. He probably wouldn’t call you a sinner to your face, or suggest that your loving relationship is at best immature, at worst akin to pedophilia.

(OR YOU KNOW WHAT? Maybe he would say it to your face. Maybe his convictions are that strong. And while I think those convictions are demonstrably wrong and logically absurd–and not particularly “moderate”–I recognize his right to them.)

WHICH IS TO SAY: I would shake his hand. If I met him, I’d try to find some common ground, or at least keep the dinner party civil until dessert. I think there are lots of ways for Obama to do the same in his presidency.

BUT AS SOMEONE CLEVER on Twitter pointed out, I still wouldn’t invite him to sing at my wedding.

WHAT’S MORE: this not solely a question of being inclusive of different viewpoints. If Warren were merely a pro-life creationist, I would not be so bothered. It’s the question that Obama and Warren agree on that really troubles me.

BOTH WARREN AND OBAMA believe in a fallacy: that one can support equal rights for “everybody” (Warren) and for gay folks specifically (Obama), and yet not support a gay person having the same access as a straight person to the governmental special status known as “marriage.”

I KNOW HOW TEMPTING this fallacy can be: I am ashamed to admit that I half-fell for it myself until Massachusetts proved that the world would not end, and the semantic difference between “domestic partnerships” and “marriage” was so meaningless as to be offensive. I was wrong, I am sorry.

I HAVE CONFIDENCE that, in no short order, Prop 8 will be repealed, and the gay marriage debate will look as absurd at the miscegenation debates of the 20th century do now. I have confidence this will happen not because it is merely right, or because the electorate will suddenly love gayness, but because opposition to gay marriage has no logical foundation in a civil society that is premised on equality.

(CHURCHES can go ahead and ban it all they like. They have their own charters, and no obligation to logic.)

THOSE OF US, however, who foolishly refused to take Obama at his word when he told us he didn’t support gay marriage OVER AND OVER AGAIN must now take him at his deed. He really, really doesn’t want gays to get married. SRSLY.

LOOK: my gut tells me that Obama likes and respects gay people and wants them to thrive in this country. I think he is tolerant by nature, as his patience with Wright and his embrace of Warren shows.

BUT AFTER MCCLURKIN and now Warren, it is hard not to conclude that Barack Obama is somewhat tone deaf when it comes to gay issues. And at this point, if he is interested in convincing us otherwise (and I’m not presuming he is), it will take more than a few words or a second pastor or some other symbolic gesture. It will take deeds.*

That is all.

*DID YOU NOTICE I was paraphrasing the tag line to “Megaforce” here. NO ONE QUESTIONED THEIR “LIFESTYLES:”

THIS VERY EVENING:

Jonathan COULTON and John HODGMAN shall make their

FINAL APPEARANCE OF THE YEAR together

at the Wired Store, a mysterious gadget emporium that appears but once a year in NYC’s “Chelsea” District.

15 West 18th Street (Bet 5th and 6th Avenues)

7PM

THIS EVENT IS FREE, BUT: you must RSVP in order to attend.

That is all.

UPDATED: If you are not sure of what the WIRED store is, look here:

That is double all.

WHICH OF THESE IMAGES is your daily mole-man?

AND WHICH IS a picture of J. Hodgman meeting a 3rd Stage Guild Navigator?

THINK before you answer.

THAT IS ALL

MYSTERY IMAGE “A” COURTESY: Matt Harvest, who is MALE AND TAKEN.

MYSTERY IMAGE “B” COURTESY: Scott Keating, of Newfoundland.

THIS IS BECAUSE they live in holes.

BUT NO LONGER.

FOR BEHOLD: the fine artists of 700molemen.com have drawn on their own experiences as SOLITARY, PALE CREATURES WHO FEAR THE SUN (which is to say, CARTOONISTS) to produce…

MANY HUNDRED LIFE LIKE ILLUSTRATIONS OF MOLE-MEN.

HERE THEN, is the MOLE-MAN OF TODAY

The First of Many Longtooths

MOLE-MAN COURTESY: marcusparcus

That is all.